♡ Not just another mom blog ♡
Nicole Fitzpatrick is a 40-year-old Swiss-Filipina writer based in Berlin. She is Sternenmama/Mamange to angel baby Ella* and Little Star*; and Mama to her wondrous double rainbow Liv Victoria since April 2025.
The motherhood journey has been surprising, trying, exciting, scary, volatile, emotional, wonderful and (im)patient — not everything is easy; but every little thing is a miracle. And this blog wants to honour it all. No editing whatsoever required.
In the form of long or short posts, this is noumama’s story with all the beautiful, the raw, the essential, the grief, the fascinating, the random, the loss, the anxiety, the lessons, the memories, the expectations, the challenges, the dreams, the ordinary and of course, the extraordinary experience of being a new mama.
I have not been home in three years. Too long. Way too long. I brought Darragh home for the first time the last time I was here. We got engaged. I got pregnant. I had it all. Then I lost my job. Then I lost Ella, then Little Star. Then I lost myself. Grief I…
I love how curious Liv is of other people, and warms up to people (more or less) fast. But I love how she reaches out to me with open arms at the end of it all. i am her home, and she is mine.
Yes, I know there is a lot of shit going on right now. Yes, I cannot silence the noises of the world. I cannot phase out voices, opinions, news, and whatnot. Since Liv was born — no, since the moment I got pregnant with Liv — I have been living in my own little bubble.…
I used to use this copy for every fall collection. Who knew I never knew the art of layering until I got a baby. And truth is, Liv fucking hates it. I fucking hate it. Don’t get me starting on the Trage. We are cold, then too hot, too sweaty, then cold again. How the…
Sometimes, I feel like I am too old, too tired or too established to make new friends. But I know I should. Because my existing friends are either childless, do not live nearby or have much older kids. How glad I am to be wrong. It is never too late to make other friends. I…
Does that mean baby is sleeping through the night? I heard yes and no. So I answer I think. Liv still wakes up 2 times during the night for a feed. Wake up is a big word. Dream feed. But she started sleeping longer stretches during the holidays. Now that we are back home, we…
I want to capture everything — and truth is, I do. Liv is growing up almost too fast, and how I wish to live it all in slow motion. And truth is, we do. I make it a point that I do. Almost 7 months of being your mother and I have never been happier.…
… because we have been living our best life with Liv. In other words, our first holidays as a family were just UHH-MAZING. Roma, Gaeta, Zürich, Engelberg… Between new and old. Between the sea and the mountains. Between family and friends. The Highs and lows of life. 6 months of Liv… and baby’s first tooth,…
Means Mama is also on holidays!!! Me-time is as important as Mom-time. It makes me a better mama.
Having a baby reminds you that… Nothing else really matters more than this moment, A heartfelt giggle is reason enough to live, Every day is discovery and rediscovery. 5 months of wonder, Liv Victoria.
I will not let my anxiety get the best of me. I have learned some tough lessons, really, in the most horrible way imaginable. But it humbles me not to take any day I kiss Liv for granted.
Been rocking the night shift for nearly 5 months now…And that ends at 6-6:30 a.m. right?!?! Because then, I am completely useless. Thanks for taking over that last window, Dad.
And I feel I can’t. I can’t anymore. Because I am a mother. I can’t. Fall apart.
… that I am getting better at decoding Liv’s needs, likes and dislikes, reactions, etc. I do know you anak. Because you are mine.
I never thought repetition would be the greatest adventure. Sure, Liv is growing up so fast, and every milestone is embraced with the loveliest affection and sense of pride. But walking the same path practically every day, doing the same activities during wake windows, ending the day at 8 pm at the latest. And doing…
Of course Berlin would have a rave for families. I do not know why I ever doubted that. It was amazing to dance with my 4-month-old baby – even only for an hour. noumama. still noupa. still techno. Same, same, but not the saaaaaame.
I think it is pretty fucking amazing that this techno goddess came forward about her miscarriages. Why? Because it takes courage. Because keeping a pregnancy secret “until it is safe” or suffering in silence when it unfortunately does happen is not the answer. And I am so sorry it happened to her. To so many…
Yes, you are so proud of your body for carrying a healthy, gorgeous, miraculous baby for more than 9 months and experiencing that most insane, incredible, huge thing that is birth. Yes, mama, you did it. You are a queen. The first seconds, days, weeks are crazy. But once your new normal takes shape, and…
A year ago today, I tested positive with Liv.W Those 2 lines. You never forget that rush, do you? A pregnancy test does not mean a baby. But a pregnancy test does mean life. And I hold on to dear Liv with gratitude, purpose and commitment.
Honestly, where do Mamas pee in public? Because I do not know. Family bathrooms are rare. Handicap toilets are… to be found outside of a mall. Changing tables are, at times, only changing tables. Long story short, I have peed with the door open because, well, no choice. No shame.
came to an end. When? How? Whyyyyyyy? Time is of the essence, and I miss the tiny version of you dearly already. But baby baby baby Liv. You are precious and seeing you grow every day, really every day I feel you keep changing, has given me so much purpose. Simple, predictable routine. Simple activities.…
I never was a morning person, but Liv reminds me to start the day, every day, with a smile. Because she does. The most heartfelt smile. The most beautiful one I have ever seen. Mahal kita anak, you teach me the essence of life.
My grief and my joy can coexist. And they should. There is no other way for this mother to love fully. completely. 100%.
Still can’t believe how I am keeping you alive. But I am. So well. It is not just you that’s growing.
When your husband buys you a new Trenchcoat (so sweet!!!) and you do everything to avoid getting a stain… Just to spill some coffee on it on the first day. The culprit? Handling the pram with groceries with one hand and holding the cup in the other. I should have seen this coming. Accept your fate,…
It is easy to get caught up in the busy nothings of everyday life. But that morning smile. That morning hug. That morning cooing. Even that morning poo. Liv is life. Literally. And she reminds me every morning to seize the day. To be grateful for the new day. To be present and to live…
At first, it was eerie to see Liv’s brain breathing through her blowhole on the top of her head. So sensitive, so tiny, so weird still forming. Now, it is gone… and I miss it already. Time is of the essence, and I know I capture it all, but why does the newborn stage fly…
It took me a little less than three months to know when to breastfeed, more importantly, which breast to give Liv, without the help of the LactApp. I recommend it, though. It truly helped me remember it was time when I couldn’t read my baby’s cues yet. Now I do. I feel like I graduated.…
Not even a month ago, I was afraid of getting out of Charlottenburg. First trip on the public transport was… well, that, a trip. Now, we have taken the plane to Ireland. We have taken the Luas into Dublin. We have taken the car to Howth. We have taken the coach to Bambride and Belfast…
If you had told me I would have a 2-month-old when I turned 40 ten years ago… I would have believed it. On my time, not anyone’s. Oh, and fate, you know. I am LIVing my dream thanks to you, anak. My 40s are dedicated to my family. My husband. My daughter. My home.
A woman stopped me in the park, and congratulated me on how good I look for 11 weeks postpartum. Damn right I do, thank you. Today, when I look into the mirror, or rather, when I look at older pictures, I mourn the body that I had. But then again, that body did not have…
Hers and mine. Mostly mine. Sometimes, I feel I cannot have a bad week as a mother. Or even a bad day. Why so much pressure? Is it from others or… from me? Me, I reckon. This is not a drill. This is motherhood. This is life. Reminder to be kind to myself and give…
Home is where the heart is. But sometimes, home is where home is. I have never missed my own space like this in my entire life. And that is almost 40 years. I always wondered when people had heimweh. Now I know. Traveling with a 2-month-old is way too young. Staying elsewhere for 6 weeks is…
Liv is a tower of strength. Literally. Only 2 months old and stretching like she’s reaching for the stars.
I oblige. Slept like a baby. But a 16-hour staggered sleep can never replace a good, deep, uninterrupted 8-hour sleep. I am drained.
I have moved places and traveled all my life, but becoming a mother made — makes me crave familiarity and a safe space more than ever before. Every day is new. Every day, there is something new. Maybe that’s why I need something constant I can latch on to.
I always wanted to be a mother. But I love being her mama. Liv is the best baby in the world (I guess every parent in the world thinks that of their kid, but in our case, it is true.)
Do not panic. But do cry back at times. When the crying shakes you to the core, you’re not failing — you’re communicating too.
Having a cup holder on the poussette is nice and all, but completely unpractical unless you have drank at least half of it before going on your walk.
Mother to Lola. Father to Lolo. Brother and sister to Uncle and Auntie. Nephew and niece to cousins. Friends to uncles and aunties. Having a baby means everyone you care for takes on a new role in your life. And like having a newborn, I see all the people I love in a brand new…
Yes, I heard. Yes, I read. Yes, you said. Yes, you repeated. Yes, you warn us. Yes, you scared us. Motherhood is hard. Parenting is hard. Family life is hard. But it is also the most raw, pure, crazy, wonderful, human experience that I feel so blessed — and privileged — to have. And that…
Stairs are not my friend. Lifts are, except when they are out of order, which is… most of the time until now. Thank you, dear stranger, who saw me panicking and said: “I was a first-time mom not long ago. I completely understand. Here, let me help you.” Pay it forward.
Berlin was in full bloom yesterday. Such beautiful weather. Such great vibes. I was reminded why I fell in love in Berlin in the first place exactly 20 years ago. Today, I went on the big adventure of taking Liv on her first trip on the U-Bahn, S-Bahn and bus — and I realize how…
Darragh goes back to work tomorrow after 6 weeks (How is Liv 6 weeks old already?). We laughed, cried, loved, learned, felt pain, felt blessed, hardly slept, and most definitely had the time of our lives (tbc, of course). And no matter how frustrated and mad I get at paperwork in Germany, I am so…
Introducing Liv to the outside world, and to our world, is such an adventure. Just like that, life happens. Or rather — Liv happens. And we are never the same again.
-11.5 kg to my pre-pregnancy weight. -20 kg to my pre-pre-pre-pregnancy weight. My body image. Changed. 100%. Worth it? Her eyes, chico, her eyes are worth everything I went through to get her. Je t’aime, Liv.
I am filled with so much love, hope and purpose for Liv. At the same time, I am so proud when I put her to sleep without struggling too much. Days are both long and short — and I am in it for it all.
It is my first Mother’s Day with Liv. And there are not enough words to describe how special, amazing and grateful I feel to have this unforgettable day with her. Our first Mother’s Day. But it is not my first Mother’s Day. As a mother of an angel, a Sternenmama, a mamange to Ella and…
Eating your banana to give you energy for breastfeeding… And falling asleep while doing so. I have been on long — scratch that — very long techno marathons… and I did not need much to recover. But this is next level tired… and recovery feels impossible to achieve.
Liv Victoria, your strawberry patch just makes your character all the sweeter.
My dad celebrated his 77th birthday in Berlin yesterday. The clan was here. For Liv. For him. For us. We went to my usual coffee place to celebrate. I had to breastfeed Liv, so went to sit in a quiet corner — all the while watching them laugh, hug, play and talk. Happiness. True, pure,…
The thing is, it’s not only a first for Liv. Everything is a first for us as well. First walk, first coffee, first love.
Breastfeeding is sometimes easy, sometimes the hardest. But powering through… and seeing your baby gaining back their initial weight quite fast (on day 5!!!) is sooo worth the pain.
Pain, pain, go away… gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, Breastfeeding is but a dream (as of now). It hurts. Pretty fucking bad. And they tell you to persevere because it will get better. Worth it? Liv is gaining weight so… YES, THIS JOY IS WORTH THE PAIN.
I know everyone thinks that of their child… But Liv Victoria truly is… the most beautiful girl in the world! It has only been 10 days since I gave birth to her, but I have never multi-tasked, made mistakes, had more learnings or rollercoaster of feelings in my life. Cuddles. Her smell. Her touch. Her…
On Tuesday, April 8th, 2025 at 5:41 a.m., My miracle baby came blazing into our worlds, lives and hearts. Her name is Liv VIctoria FItzpatrick. Liv, for she is life. Victoria, after her Lola. A writer loses her words when her smallest, biggest dream come true.
I was so sure my baby girl was going to come early. Lesson #1 of parenthood: expect the unexpected. So exciting!
Baby girl, we made it past 38 weeks. Any signs of your arrival? Yes… No… I am not sure. Nevertheless, we cannot wait to meet you (and at the same time, appreciate the last days of this incredible journey.)
Baby girl, you will be born in a world that knows true love. And that world is ours. Family. Friends. Community. Near and far. Here and beyond. We love you and cannot wait to meet you.
Braxton hicks or contractions… or is it just baby moving? Similar to feeling baby girl kick for the first time. Bubbles Butterflies Spasms Twitches I thought I would know for sure when it happened. And in fairness, I was right. It was exactly at 20 weeks for mel But I really do not think I…
Happy 36 weeks to us, baby girl! There is definitely always something painful in the 3rd trimester. Headache. Back pain. Hemorrhoids. Insomnia. Rage. So when I feel really well during my babymoon – damn, I celebrate it fully. 4 star hotel. Swimming. Naps. Good food. Good company. Good service. I am so proud of how…
About becoming a mother? Just kidding. But having a pretty bad cold in your third trimester and in the middle of winter makes me have an existential crisis. What gives?
The closer I get to holding you. The slower I walk. The faster time flies. We are so (not) ready for you, but we are excited.
Truth of the matter is, a blighted ovum is the biggest mindfuck. Egg and sperm meet. The pregnancy test is positive. Symptoms arise. But the embryo never develops. Blank. Non-existent. A black hole. Still, I know in my heart of hearts that you were real. You existed. You mattered. Bright like a star. Even if…
When your manicurist thinks you’re due in a week but you still have 8 weeks to go. Then your neighbour compliments you that you have a small bump for 8 months.
When does maternal instinct kick in when there are just so many manuals on parenting?
One moment, you are completely fine. The next, you want to kill everyone. Everything hurts. And you feel you are geting sick.
3rd trimester aches and pain? I was fine yesterday. Now everything hurts. Will it be different tomorrow?
It is my absolute favorite thing in pregnancy. Proof of life. In all its glory.
When are you a mother? Is it when the idea of becoming a mother becomes an actual possibility? You are in love. You are married. You dream about it. You talk about it. You decide… and have sex without taking any precautions. Is it when you not trying, not preventing (as they call it)? You…
Ella’s story was cut short, but one always worth telling. Joyeux anniverciel, anak ko! I love, miss and grieve for you every day, but especially today. Today is hard. Today is emotional. Today, I remember every little thing. Today, I imagine what could have been. Today, and each day I breathe, I love you –…
Today, I feel so grateful to my body. What it is capable of creating, enduring, manifesting — nothing short of a miracle.
noumama 